as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
