We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
