Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
