Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
