Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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