he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
