i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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