I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
