all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
