They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
