So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
