do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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