can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
