who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
