John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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