my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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