Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
