what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
