So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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