Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
