Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize