Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize