we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this will be a night to untag.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
