i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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