Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
