how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
