Got a toothbrush?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
