final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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