I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize