Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
