Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
