Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
