Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
