He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
