the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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