I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
