$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
