I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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