Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
