You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
