After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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