Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
