my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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