So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
