My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
