I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I looked at my own cervix.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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