I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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