i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
