69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
