Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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