I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
