between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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