I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
