so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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