i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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