did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
