I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
