Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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