my mouth tastes like poor choices
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
