so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
