look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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