Fuck appropriateness.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
