i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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