Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
