She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
