Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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