I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
