some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
